Sunday Morning Shots & Douchebagery Run-A-Muck

Per tradition, Courtney and I went to Mickey’s (Mickey’s Dawg Pound on Sundays) for the Browns/Chiefs game. As expected, the crowd was sparse. I couldn’t really blame people for not coming to see a then 2-11 team play a 3-10 team. One could probably find more excitement on C-Span than in a typical Browns game, but the lack of Browns fans coming out allowed douchebags to take over instead.

At some point during the second quarter, a group of about four guys came in, dressed like it was a Saturday night. Now I know NOTHING about fashion, so I generally get a bad vibe from guys who wear things I don’t recognize (i.e. non-team apparel shirts), especially those who wear those trendy, ripped jeans despite cold temperatures. It’s as if they’re saying “I’m so hot, December can’t cool me down,” in the most frustrating way possible. Last but not least, I don’t get why someone would wear a hat that isn’t affiliated with a team, a city OR isn’t funny. These guys were wearing hats that looked like they belonged on an Abercrombie mannequin. Meanwhile, we’re sitting behind them decked out in Browns apparel, like we’re supposed to be, dammit!

One guy was the epitome of all things I loathe about guys. He was the kind of a guy who puts his arm around a girl’s waist whenever they come by, even if it’s for a two sentence chat. Like a snake, it works his way around the hip and hugs them closer. The girls (waitresses at the bar) were trapped. They seemed to know them, but it doesn’t make it any less lame. Why so grabby? Would he do that to one of his guy friends? Probably not.

Then, as any sane douchebag would do on a Sunday afternoon, they ordered shots. Beer I get… but shots? This was a football bar! You drink BEER.

Our favorite was probably the guy who was sitting back in his stool, arm hanging over the back of the chair as if to say, “Damn, I’m fly,” whilst sporting studs in his ears (I think they’re called studs), and a fake tan. All the while, his lips were pursed together as if he just sucked on 20 lemons, but in reality it was probably, again, because he was thinking, “Damn, I’m fly!”

Football bars should start employing bouncers for Sundays. No team apparel? Then go home and change, or hope that Abercrombie fields a football team someday.

Tags: abercrombie, chicago, cleveland browns, douchebag, humor, mickeys chicago, mickeys dawg pound

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.