Not Having Health Insurance Can Be Killer

Get it? “Killer,” because of not having health insurance? Sounds like a real, cheesy news headline!

Anyway, not having health insurance has officially bit me in the arse.

A few weeks ago I paid the Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center a little visit. I wrote about how my stay was much more pleasurable than it should have been, because everyone was so gosh darn nice, always smiling at my body gone limp. I now have a theory as to why they were so kind.

They knew I didn’t have health insurance and pitied my soon to be empty pockets.

“How much?” Courtney asked, after giving me a pep talk about how no matter what the number was, I’d be fine.
“Five,” I replied.
“Hundred?” she asked, sounding a bit relieved. Oh, if only…
“Thousand… Close to six.”

Needless to say Courtney’s reaction wasn’t the subdued one when she thought it was five hundred. Instead she apologized for making me go, which of course she didn’t need to. Who knows, I could’ve had an evil twin growing inside of me, the way I was screaming at the toilet.

The frustrating bit is that they never found out what was wrong with me. After a plethora of tests and examinations, they conceded that they weren’t sure what was wrong, and sent me home because I apparently looked better.

I threw up about thirty minutes later in a cab.

What’s also frustrating was that I didn’t need all of the tests. For instance, I was given a cat-scan to look for appendicitis. The doctor had said several times he was about 90% sure I didn’t have it. Indeed, I didn’t have it. But at the same time, I don’t blame him either. If he doesn’t check for it and my appendix goes BOOM inside of me, then he’s liable.

The day after I received my bill, I received a letter from Donna King, the chief nurse executive at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center, asking me to fill out a survey regarding how I felt I was taken care of. She should’ve sent this out BEFORE the bill. They would’ve gotten rave reviews, much like what I wrote on here previously.

I still commend them for their kindess and willingness to put up with my God awful jokes during the moments where I felt a wee bit less crappy. But I have to be honest… This bill sucks. “Suck” barely fits the meaning I’m looking for, but I’ve got shit to do and no time to be witty.

Oh, and I have since received another bill for $120 for what look like some tests they took. I’m officially over the $6,000 mark. Yay for me!

I officially owe a large sum of money for finding out my right kidney and appendix are in mildly interesting locations within my body.

Tags: advocate illinois masonic medical center, donna king, hospital bill, humor

This entry was posted on Monday, December 21st, 2009 at 11:40 am and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.