Thank You, Panera, For Making Me Feel I Smart
Courtney and I have a plethora of adorable rituals that without a doubt send unsuspecting witnesses to said adorableness to the nearest trash can, hurling. One of these rituals is our morning breakfasts at either Einsteins or Panera.
After typing that out, I realize it doesn’t sound adorable, but trust me – it freaking is.
Anyway, today was a Panera day, which meant we’d each get a bagel as I – the coffee snob – drooled over their delicious Hazelnut coffee, true to my white, hipster self. Conversation was light after a late night of heavy, college-esque drinking that didn’t get us to be until well after old people’s bed time (11pm), so the music selection stuck out to me. Perhaps the music struck me, because the previous day I took special notice to Subway’s interesting selection of early nineties rap. Nothing says, “Subway: Eat Fresh!” like Old Dirty Bastard’s “Hey! Dirty! Baby I got your money – got your money.” May he rest in peace (he’s dead right?). I digress…
Unlike Subway, however, Panera was playing classical music, not too loud and not too quiet. This music was just right, to use the wise philosophy of Ms. Goldilocks. Not only was the volume level perfect, but – as I noted to Courtney – the music made me feel about ten times smarter than I probably am. I’m by no means an idiot, but listening to their safe selection of classical music made me think of literature – not books. Literature, said the way my snobby, honors English teacher did in high school, stressing every syllable, whilst pronouncing it incorrectly. “LIT-TRA-TURE.”
Thanks, Panera, for making me feel competent in the brain. Einsteins, this is your warning that you’re going to have to pick up your game. Panera makes me feel smart, so you’ll have to find another aspect of myself to make me momentarily proud of. The ball is in your court.