North Korea Might Attack Hawaii. WTF, Kim!?

The good news: Defense Secretary Robert Gates says that the U.S. is ready IF North Korea were to launch a missile towards Hawaii.

The bad news: “We do have some concerns if they were to launch a missile,” said Mr. Gates with the duh comment of the day. When is one not concerned about the potential of an attack?

The confusing news: North Korea might attack Hawaii. WTF, Kim?

As a mild follower of the 24 hour cable news circus, I am well aware of the United States’, verbal feud with North Korea over that pesky nuclear technology thing. (By “pesky” I mean as painstakingly annoying as a colonoscopy performed by a sadist.) I’m also aware of the ongoing rift, to put it mildly, with Kim Jong Il (whom apparently might already be dead anyway?). But when did an attack on the United States become a possibility? Yeah, we wag our finger at their nuclear advances and they’re not too cool with that. Sure, we did fight against them in the Korean War. And yes, Wile Coyote and Road Runner get along better than our respective governments (This just in! Road Runner foils Wile’s nuclear aspirations when ACME Nuke goes haywire!) But I never thought it a possibility that they’d want to attack us! When did that become a good idea for North Korea? What in God’s name would that accomplish? Don’t they know what happened to the last country that attacked Hawaii? Does this image ring a bell?

Unless I’m completely missing something, I don’t think the North Korean people particularly hate us to the point that they’d support an attack. Granted in a dictatorship, that’s not for them to decide, but… WTF, man!? Speechless. I’m left in a state of speechless, confusion to the point where I cannot even verbalize my thoughts without sounding like Don Corleone with a mouth full of peanut butter.

The idea of North Korea attacking Hawaii sounds so unbelievably surreal that it might as well be a videogame. It’s as if Kim Jong Il thinks he’s playing one of those “conquer the world” computer games and wants to be the asshole that whimsically attacks anyone for no reason at all. But dude! This isn’t a videogame! If it were, the United States would’ve already enlisted Samus Aran to blast yo’ ass!

Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Feel free to look into that, DOD.